Nativity Story

This evening my daughter was retelling the Christmas nativity story.  Near the end of her tale she came to the part of the three wise men, or in her words "three filthy rich men".  It was hard for her to continue over the sounds of our laughter.

Fighting

I am afraid that some of my children have no grip on reality.  My two youngest boys just had a fight over imaginary slippers.  They spent five minutes tackling each other to the ground and proceeding to rip the invisible items off each other's feet.  Then my five year old yelled at me for not helping him.  How could I?  I was too busy laughing.

Quote

Right now my life is just one learning experience after another.  By the end of the week, I should be a genius.
-Jeanette Osias

Weight

Due to my current health issues I have been losing weight.  Normally this would not be very concerning and even welcome, but I have recently been informed that I have yet another autoimmune disorder.  This new disease warrants a lifelong dietary change.  Words cannot express how thrilled I was with the news.  Every time I have had to put a member of my family on a special diet my husband and I lose weight.  This is where the trouble comes in.  I was looking in the mirror today and saw a resemblance to a famous Disney character; Cruela DeVille.  It was all there; high bony cheekbones, loose skin, and unnaturally pale skin; every girls dream.

Car Ride

My autistic son would live in our car if he could.  Three years ago my family was moving across country.  After driving over ten hours each day we would drag our half paralyzed bodies into the hotel room ready to collapse for the night.  My son would take one step in the room, grab the door handle and frantically try to escape as he repeated over and over, "Back in the car!  Back in the car!" 

Even when we are in the comfort of our own home he will try to sneak out into the garage to sit in our van.  We had to put chains on every outside door and keep our car locked at all times, even while it sits in our garage.  At the park I have to keep a close watch of him.  I have caught him climbing into stranger's unlocked cars many times.  He runs from vehicle to vehicle checking every door until he finds a winner. 

One day he was acting particularly obsessed with the car.  So my husband and I decided to take him on an errand run with us.  He was super excited.  First stop was Lowes hardware store where we intended to buy locks for most of the remaining doors in our house to prevent my son from getting into things he shouldn't, like medicine, vitamins, food, and his sister's bedroom where he likes to hang from her ceiling fan.  We pulled into the parking lot of Lowes and my son hopped out of the car.  The three of us walked hand in hand into the building.  The moment we walked through the doors my son started to show signs of distress.  I don't know what was so offensive about that store, but in less than two minutes my son ripped his hands out of ours and took off across the store.  I chased him down as my husband stopped to ask for help from a worker.  I ran after my son, my eyes searched down every aisle as I raced past.  I stopped as I heard a rattling sound coming from the enormous rolls of carpet that rose up before me.  Two rows back and three rows up, I saw a gigantic roll of carpet spinning around and around as two little feet desperately were trying to climb higher.  My son ignored my pleas to climb down until, in a moment of pure brilliance, I pulled out the little portable video player I always carry in my purse.  He slid down the rolls and clutched the player in his hands as 'Madagascar' played across the screen for the billionth time.  I led him to the garden area and found the one remaining outdoor swing where we spent the next twenty minutes swinging back and forth while my husband finished shopping. My hands were in a death grip around my son and his in a death grip around his precious video player, neither loosened until we were back in the safety of our car.

Dr. Jekyll

I have considered having my 7 year old name be legally changed to Dr. Jekyll.  He can be the most calm, pleasant, and docile child that has ever lived.  I turn my back for one second and suddenly 'Mr. Hyde' is leaping on my back from the top of the refrigerator.  I shake him off and within seconds I hear the piercing scream from my petite ten year old daughter (who looks like she could lose an arm wrestle with a newborn baby) desperately holding up our 36" T.V. while 'Mr. Hyde' works his way behind it.  I help her steady the massive screen and hear the garage door shut.  My younger son runs to me shouting, "Daegan is on the van again!"  I head out the door to find him sliding down my windshield.  There is a very noticable footprint smeared across the drivers side that will surely be a hazard the next time I drive toward the setting sun.   He races past me back into the house.  My husband informs me that his family is planning an adult only cruise and asks if I want to go.  I look at him incredulously.  Who on earth would agree to watch our four kids (five if you count Mr. Hyde, who really should count as ten) for two weeks?  Even if someone did agree, and had their sanity checked out, I have a hard time believing that the 'vacation' would truly be relaxing for me knowing that Mr. Hyde is out there wreaking havoc upon innocent bystanders.  So his new idea is to leave the others and just take Daegan.  I'm sure that won't cause any sibling jealousy and negative retributions, since the punishment for being a troublemaker is now a vacation alone with mom and dad.  Besides the idea of taking my climbing and water obsessed son onto a big boat in the middle of the ocean sounds far from fun.

Through

I was reading my daughter's weekly spelling words to her yesterday.  I read the word then give an example sentence.  Then she likes to come up with her own sentence before spelling the word.

Mine:
Through- Go through the tunnel.

Hers:
Through- I am going through a midlife crisis.

She is nine.