Desperation

How desperate am I?  I have been spending an hour sitting in a small room every day for the past week and a half.  The only bit of light is the dim colored beam shining directly above my six year old son's face as he lays face up on a rotating bed as (ideally) he stares into the light and listens to choppy music.  He clings to my hands like they are his life support.  The calmness of the mood nearly puts me to sleep, but to my autistic son the experience is little less than torture as the treatment rewires his brain.  I wonder if this will be worth it.  Will this experience even cause a change in his life?  I am not expecting a cure; I only pray that this therapy will eliminate a little of the inner turmoil that my sweet little boy experiences on a daily basis.  I want to take him to the park without the fear of him seriously injuring himself or another child.  I want to go to the movies as a family without having the noise and lights throw him into a screaming fit as he bolts out of the theater.  I want him to be able to answer a simple yes or no question.  I want him to find something he loves without the constant obsessive behaviors taking over his every thought.  I want him to have friends and get excited to visit family.  I want him to look me in the eyes and tell me he loves me.  It doesn't seem like too much to ask .